Well, I got to thinking today that having a special needs child really dominates my whole thought process. If Riley has a headache, there is a tiny part of my brain, that I often try to ignore, that likes to think Riley has intracranial pressure and will soon end up with hydrocephalus. It’s possible with tuberous sclerosis. But can’t Riley have a headache just because he has a simple headache? I had a headache yesterday and I don’t have tuberous sclerosis. If Riley complains of his back hurting that same traitor part of my brain jumps to the conclusion that his kidneys are failing him. Again, possible with tuberous sclerosis, but couldn’t his back just hurt because he slept on it wrong?
I also think in diagnosis terms all the time. “Oh, that is just his ADD, or his OCD, and let’s throw in a little ODD (just a little), and we can’t forget about his ASD and CAPD that causes some of his learning disabilities.” After reading another mom’s blog I realized (for the 1000th time) that some of Riley’s behaviors are very, very typical for a “normal” child. Riley can be stubborn, strong -willed, and exhibit selective hearing just like any other “normal” child.
So, I find myself dissecting his behaviors like a biologist would dissect a frog. “Is this because of this? Is that because I that?” I read too many books on disorders and I have too much fun with Psychology Today magazine. These are worlds I get though and my son is the portal.
Riley drew an amazing collage of a face, a self portrait the other day. On one piece of paper he drew a big blue eye and on another piece of paper he drew a bigger brown eye with blue eyelashes all around the eye. They were taped together on his bedroom wall and a nose and mouth were taped below it, so it looked like one giant “T”. I was impressed; it totally could go into an art museum. (Proud mama talking.)
Here is the conversation that took place as I was making his bed the other morning.
“Riley, I love your picture! The eyes are incredible. Just curious, why is one eye brown?”
Riley bouncing his giant bouncy ball, “I don’t know mom.”
“Ok, well your eyes are blue so I was just wondering why one eye was brown and it’s so much bigger than the other with all of those eyelashes. It’s so cool. Really, why is one eye brown?”
Riley is still bouncing his ball but he’s getting mad at me for asking questions , so with a much louder and more perturbed voice he says, “just because mom!”
Well, so much for psychology 101, right? Special needs or not, I just need to relax a bit and ironically it is my son that teaches me that lesson everyday.
I still want to know why one eye is brown though!
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